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Matt’s NFC Preview

While Ridley is off trying to prognosticate what the AFC will do, Matt is here with all the info you need to know about the NFC, in 5 sentences or less per team, with Ridley snarking along.

NFC EAST

New York Giants:

New York has a good team.  I mean they won the championship last year, so I need to give them some respect!  When the Giants are healthy they can defeat any team in this league.  Will they stay healthy this year?  I think they will, I think they will win the division again.

Mike: Boo! They’ll fall flat on their faces, making Eli even more fugly.

Philadelphia Eagles:

Flip, Flip Flip a delphia.  The Eagles have a lot of talent.  “He’s Got a huge Talent!”  (Name that movie)  But will their talent lead them to victories this year?  On paper, their defense is good and their offense can with them games.  But the games are not played on paper.  Can this talent translate to wins?  I think Ridley has a better chance jumping into the arms of Donald Faison while screaming “Eagle!”

Mike: If only I could jump into the arms of Donald Faison.

Dallas Cowboys:

I like the Cowboys defense.  Rob Ryan runs a man defense which is taxing on the CB’s.  I believe that Carr and Claiborne on the corners can run that defense for him.  Their line is good and they have a chance to win some games if they just put up some points!  I actually think that Romo is good.  He can lead that offense to some victories, but he cannot do it alone.  Who will step up?  Will it be you, Channing Tatum?

Mike: Look for a monitored Dez Bryant to put up huge numbers. Super Bowl or bust!

Washington Redskins:

For the next 10 years we will not be able to talk about the Redskins without mentioning Robert Griffin the Third.  So, let’s start now.  Will he be able to lead a team to victory in this division?  I think they will struggle.  If they were in the AFC West, they would have a chance, but not in a division with these other great teams.  They are heading in the right direction.  They will be on top soon, but you should get used to the spiders in the basement this year.

Mike: Finally, Matthew got one right! How’s 5-11 taste?

NFC SOUTH

Atlanta Falcons:

Julio Jones, Roddy White and Matt Ryan make a great offensive team.  Then you add in Michael Turner and this offense will be able to put up lots of points.  Ryan has been in the league for a while now and he should have a good grip on the offense.  If the defense can stop points from being scored, they should have a very good year.

Mike: If Ryan can air it out more, look for the Falcons to finally win a playoff game. If he is Captain Checkdown, look for Brees and the Saints to win it.

New Orleans Saints:

They would be on top of this division if it weren’t for the Bounty Scandal.  (Yes, I refuse to call it Bounty Gate.  You can’t just add Gate to the end of every scandal… The hotel was the Watergate hotel.  The gate does not add more meaning you pretentious assholes!  It was not the Water Scandal that they added Gate to.  It was the WATERGATE Hotel!!  Idiots!)  You are losing multiple coaches and a few great defensive players.  Drew Brees is good and they will win lots of games, but I do not think they have enough to win the division this year.  Next year, they will be back.

Mike: Matthew’s best point was about Watergate. I suppose the rest was ok.

Carolina Panthers:

Cam Newton is good.  They have 3 running backs that would all start on the New York Jets and probably 8 other teams in the league.  They are a good team, but I think they will struggle again this year.  They are growing and they are building the right way.  In two years, this division will be considered the best in the league and will take that crown from the NFC East.

Mike: Matthew is rocking this NFC South. Since him and I both agree on the order, look for the Bucs to take the crown.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers:

This team is another team I like; they will win 6 or 7 games this year.  They will consider this a good year.  They will be close in many games but their youth will catch up to them in 4th quarters.  Their offense is young and will grow.  Their defense is about the same.  They are a young team on their way up.  Do you think I could start any more sentences with ‘They’ or ‘Their’?  New drinking game!  From now on, every time I start a sentence with ‘they’ or ‘their’, take a drink.

Mike: Will Schiano be the next Jim Harbaugh or Steve Spurrier in regards to college coaches moving up?

NFC NORTH

Green Bay Packers:

Of course they are going to win this division.  As long as they stay healthy they are a favorite to win the Super Bowl.  Actually they are a favorite either way.  The last few years they have struggled with injuries and they have still been an amazing team!  If they can actually stay healthy they could easily win all 19.  Go Cheese-heads!

Mike: I have too many Packers fans to like the pick, but I can’t formulate an argument against it. I’m getting a drink.

Detroit Lions:

Their offense is getting better.  I think you will see Titus Young emerge as a threat at receiver.  Stafford, and Johnson are great together and they will have another big year.  They are trying to build up their defense right now, and that is why they will make the playoffs.  The Lions and the Packers will be entertaining us in this division for years.  You might as well pull up a seat on the velvet sofa and enjoy the lap dance.  They will make you excited!

Mike: Matthew must’ve been mistaken. Braylon Edwards isn’t on the Lions to make him excited.

Chicago Bears:

Yes, they are more talented this year.  Yes, I believe they could be a great team because they have been built the right way.  However I do not believe they will stay healthy.  They have Cutler, Forte, Bush, Hester, and Marshall.  None of those players have been the healthiest in their careers.  All have struggled to play 16 games a year.  They will be good when they are good, and terrible when they are bad.  They will be lucky to get to 8 wins this year.

Mike: Don’t discount the Reality Clause. Cutler is now engaged to a former reality star. Ask Chad Johnson how that works out.

Minnesota Vikings

They have a young QB and a hurt star RB.  Their WR corps is thin and their defense does not scare many people.  If everything goes right for them, they could win 8 games, but I doubt that could happen.  If everything goes right for me this year, our website will take off and we can spend our days watching football and writing about it… give me an Amen Ridley!

Mike: Amen Matthew! Bars Across…AMERICA! Damn, I just gave away our title…

NFC WEST

San Francisco Forty Niners:

This is not a homer pick, even though I love them.  They have a good defense and a surprisingly deep offense.  Harbaugh is starting to make his impact on this team and they are buying in.  They are like my wife at Ikea, they will buy whatever he is selling!  This team is talented and if one guy could catch a punt they would have been in the Super Bowl.  I like them again.

Mike: The 49ers definitely over-accomplished last season. Look for them to return to a more realistic 9-7.

Seattle Seahawks:

They are not solid on QB.  They are starting Wilson and they are light on offensive playmakers.  However, I like their defense, I like their special teams and I think they can win some games.  Seattle’s 12th man is very strong, and they normally play well at home.  I think they will win many games and they are heading in the right direction.  I also like Pete Carroll.  At least in the NFL he can bribe his players without penalty.

Mike: Even in the NFL, bribing is illegal. Isn’t that right Gregg Williams? By the way, Russell Wilson will be only the third QB ever to start a game LISTED under 6’. Not promising.

St. Louis Rams:

Bradford is good.  I told Ridley we should each write about 5 sentences on each team but I can’t think of much else to say about them.  They still have lots of building to do.  If I were them, I would build the offensive and defensive line.  Look at the Giants.  Their secondary is not great, but their defensive line makes up for it.  Keep going in the right direction, Rams.  We will see you in LA soon!

Mike: Make or break year for Bradford, who could be on his way to David Carr-dom if he falters again this year.

Arizona Cardinals:

They are trying to decide between Skelton and Kolb at QB.  QB has become the most important position in sports the last few years and they are trying to decide between Spam and Bologna (Editor’s Note: Cardinals just named Skelton starter.) Either way they go they are going to feel sick.  If I were Larry Fitzgerald I would be doing anything I could to find a different team.  He has the chance to lead a different team to the playoffs.  In Arizona he will be the star of every game they win.  Too bad that will only be a few games.

Mike: On the bright side, they should have a good running game with Ryan Williams and Beanie Wells. Oh wait, the defenses will have 9 guys in the box. Nevermind.

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